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The National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies (NACCRRA) and Child Care Aware do not endorse nor are we responsible for the information or materials posted on any of the resource’s websites.Understanding Children: Fears - Part II
December 03, 2007
Last article discussed some common fears that children develop at age 2 or beyond. This article will provide parents with important information on how to work through these fears with your child.
Your child's fears depend on his or her level of anxiety, past experience, and imagination. If any fears persist, give your child more time and try to avoid events and situations that can trigger them. Your child may be better equipped emotionally to deal with his or her fears in a few months.
- Avoid lectures. It is not helpful to ridicule, coerce, ignore, or use logic. Think back to your own childhood. How often did you hear phrases like: "There is no such thing as a monster," "Don't be such a baby," "There are no lions or bears for miles and miles from here," or "Pet the nice doggie, he won't hurt you." Did statements such as these really make you feel any better?
- Accept your child's fears as valid. Support your child any time he or she is frightened. Use a matter-of-fact attitude and some reassuring words. It's OK to explain that monsters don't really live under the bed, but don't expect your child to believe it.
- Remember that some fear is good. Children should have a healthy sense of caution. Strange dogs and strange people can be dangerous. As children grow older, they begin to have a better understanding of cause and effect, and reality versus fantasy. They also may gain some first-hand experience with the object of their fear and discover ways to control potentially dangerous situations. Eventually, most fears will be overcome or at least brought under control.
- Show your child how to cope. Young children can learn some coping skills that will help them feel like they have more control of their fear. Learning how to take deep breaths, using their imagination to turn a scary monster into a funny monster, or keeping a flashlight by the bed after lights are turned off are all good examples of coping skills. Reading children's books about scary situations such as going to bed in the dark or having an operation in the hospital also can be helpful.
- It is best not to force a child into fearful situations all at once. Often the "shock" method will backfire and intensify the fear. A small dose at a time is the best way to help a child over-come fear.
Books that help children deal with fears
- Are You My Mother? P. Eastman
- How Many Kisses Goodnight? Jean Monrad
- The Runaway Bunny, Margaret Wise Brown
- Goodnight Moon, Margaret Wise Brown
- Bedtime for Francis, Lilian Hoban
- Ira Sleeps Over, Bernard Waler
Reprinted with permission from National Network for Child Care - NNCC.
Oesterreich, L. (1993). Understanding children: Fears. Ames, IA: Iowa State University Extension.
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