Understanding Children: Fears - Part I

November 20, 2007

To many parents, children's fears make no sense at all. Nevertheless, to children, monsters lurking in the dark or scary noises coming from the attic are quite real. Around your child's second birthday, he or she may become frightened by things that did not cause fear before-the neighbor's dog, the dark, the bathtub drain, and loud noises.

Several factors contribute to a child developing fears by age 2. Children between the ages of 2 and 6 have experienced real fear or pain from being lost, injured, or bitten. They also have vivid imaginations and struggle with the idea of cause and effect.

A toddler knows something about size and shape, but not enough to be sure that he or she won't be sucked down into the bathtub drain or into a flushing toilet. Older children also are aware of dangers that they hear about or see on TV. It's hard to know what is real and what is not.

Common fears

Fear of separation

Toddlers' anxiety about separation is an indication of growth. Before your toddler turned 2, he or she forgot you after you left, and settled down quickly. Now your child worries about and puzzles over your departure. Always tell your child that you are leaving. Sneaking out decreases trust. It may help to get your child absorbed in an activity before you leave. An elaborate ritual of waving bye-bye and blowing good-bye kisses also may help.

Preschoolers are more self-assured than toddlers, but occasionally experience fears about being separated from a parent when starting a new school or child care arrangement, staying overnight with a relative, or moving to a new home. Ease into new situations gradually. Visiting the new school several times before the first day, or staying with your child for the first day or two can make a big difference.

Fear of baths

Many young children worry about going down the drain with the water. No amount of logical talk will change this. Avoid letting the water drain out while your child is still in the tub or even in the bathroom. If your child seems fearful of water, you might try letting him or her play first with a pan of water, then in the sink, and finally over the edge of the tub (don't leave a child alone in the bathroom).

Fear of dogs

Dogs are often loud, fast moving, and unpredictable. Many children fear them. Respect your child's fear of strange dogs; a child's instincts may be right. If you wish to introduce your child to a friendly dog, first try sharing pictures of the dog with your child. Next watch the dog from a distance, and finally approach the dog together. You may want to demonstrate how to pet the dog, but don't force your child to pet the dog, too. If he or she refuses, you can try again later.

Fear of loud noises

Although your toddler loves to pound on a toy drum, the loud noise from a vacuum cleaner or a hair dryer may be very frightening. Even preschoolers can develop fear of loud noises. Try letting your child look at and eventually touch things in your home before you turn them on. If the fear seems intense, save "loud noise jobs" for times when your child is rested and in a good mood, or better yet, when he or she is not around.

Fear of the dark

Parents often sheepishly admit that their child sleeps with a night light (or the room light) on. Children can sleep with lights on without damaging their health. Many children sleep with a night light well into the school-age years.

Fear of the dark is usually one of the last childhood fears to be conquered. Younger children fear monsters and snakes that they think lurk in the bedroom shadows. Older children may fear burglars and thieves. It is not at all uncommon for children who are 10 and 11 to still use a night light.

A gradual reduction of light works for many families, while some children decide on their own to turn lights off. It is important not to rush your child.

Our next issue will continue with the topic of childhood fears. The author will offer parents hints on how to approach these fears with their child.

Reprinted with permission from National Network for Child Care - NNCC. Oesterreich, L. (1993). Understanding children: Fears. Ames, IA: Iowa State University Extension.

« Previous | All Articles | Next »