Mind Your Manners

September 27, 2006

Do your children "lose it" when you're out in public? You know they can use good manners, but once they step out your front door, does it seem they can't remember anything? Don't worry, you're not alone. This can be one of the most frustrating parts of parenting!

Remember, three important ideas shape good manners--custom, common sense, and consideration.

Custom is the habit of doing things a certain way. For example, in Western culture, most adults greet one another by shaking hands.

Common sense is what makes sense to most people. Ask your child, is it polite to push your way up an escalator just because you want to get to the top faster?

Consideration is thinking about the way the other person feels. Being rude to someone is bad manners--not because a book says so, but because it hurts that person's feelings.

If we teach these basic ideas at home, then our children should behave well in public. But be warned: If you tell your children what they're supposed to do, then fail to practice those rules yourself - well, your children might just do what you do, not what you say.

Practice what you preach
Here are a few suggestions to help you guide your children to use good manners, at home and anywhere else they roam.

General "out in public" manners:

  1. Treat everyone with kindness and respect. Don't stare or make fun of anyone, no matter how strange they may look.
  2. Put litter in its place.
  3. Say you're sorry if you bump into someone or accidentally step on someone's toe.
  4. Remember to say please and thank you.
  5. Don't walk in bunches so that you block others.
  6. If you need to stop and talk, move over to the side away from the flow of traffic.

Tips for parents: Before you go out, talk to your child about good manners and what behavior you expect. If your child behaves in a rude way, lead him away from other people to correct him. Remind him that he gets to go on special outings when he behaves well.

Table manners for kids (and parents):

  1. Swallow all your food before you talk.
  2. If you put something in your mouth that's too hot, don't spit it out. Instead, reach for your drink and take a quick sip.
  3. Ask someone to pass food that is not right in front of you. Don't reach for it.
  4. Sit up straight and don't slouch.
  5. Chew with your mouth closed.
  6. Keep elbows off the table.
  7. Food is for eating, not for playing.
  8. Ask the server to replace dropped silverware. Don't crawl under the table to get it.
  9. Take spills in stride. Let children know you understand their motor skills are still growing. The server will help you clean up.
  10. Don't comb hair at the table.

Tips for parents: When dining out, try to keep your meal schedule as close as possible to the one you follow at home. You might try eating a little early to avoid the crowd. If you have younger children, let them sit facing a window, so they will find something to entertain and distract them. If that's not possible, let your children sit by a wall or out of the way of other diners.

Keep in mind that all children need frequent reminders, at home and out in public. Praise your children for using good manners. If you only tell your children what they've done wrong, they have no reason to behave well. After all, you're only giving them attention when they misbehave.

Most importantly, model good behavior. Your children watch everything you do. Teaching them to use good manners is not about impressing anyone. Rather, you are building in your child confidence, awareness, and consideration of others. With these tools, they will succeed wherever they choose to go.

Printed with permission from author, Sherry Bowen, and Partnership for Learning.

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