10 Tips for Raising Moral Children - Part II

May 15, 2006

(10 Tips for Raising Moral Children - Part I)

In the last issue we discussed the first five tips: Commit to Raising A Moral Child, Be a Strong Moral Example, Know Your Beliefs & Share Them, Use Teachable Moments, and Use Discipline as a Moral Lesson. This issue will continue with Dr. Michele Borba's hints for parents who are trying to raise their children with morals:

6. Expect Moral Behavior
Studies are very clear: kids who act morally have parents who expect them to do so. It sets a standard for your child's conduct and also lets her know in no uncertain terms what you value. Post your moral standards at home then consistently reinforce them until your child internalizes them so they become his or her rules, too.

7. Reflect on the Behaviors' Effects
Researchers tell us one of the best moral-building practices is to point out the impact of the child's behavior on the other person. Doing so enhances a child's moral growth: ("See, you made her cry") or highlight the victim's feeling ("Now he feels bad"). The trick is to help the child really imagine what it would be like to be in the victim's place so he or she will be more sensitive to how his or her behavior impacts others.

8. Reinforce Moral Behaviors
One of the simplest ways to help kids learn new behaviors is to reinforce them as they happen. So purposely catch your child acting morally and acknowledge his or her good behavior by describing what he or she did right and why you appreciate it.

9. Prioritize Morals Daily
Kids don't learn how to be moral from reading about it in textbooks but from doing good deeds. Encourage your child to lend a hand to make a difference in his world, and always help him or her recognize the positive effect the gesture had on the recipient. The real goal is for kids to become less and less dependent on adult guidance by incorporating moral principles into their daily lives and making them their own. That can happen only if parents emphasize the importance of the virtues over and over and their kids repeatedly practice those moral behaviors.

10. Incorporate the Golden Rule
Teach your child the Golden Rule that has guided many civilizations for centuries, "Treat others as you want to be treated." Remind him or her to ask himself before acting, Would I want someone to treat me like that? It helps him or her think about his behavior and its consequences on others. Make the rule become your family's over-arching moral principal.

© 2006 by Michele Borba founder of www.micheleborba.com . Excerpt from Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essential Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing by Michele Borba. Jossey-Bass Publishers, 2001, ISBN 0-7879-5357-1.

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